Whats life right now? One big in love sigh, I guess you could say. I've come to terms I'm a loser. Hahah. Yeah right, did that years ago. Having friends that are losers with you, its completely awesome though. So much love gos out to them. This entry is nothing more than me ranting and saying personal, and fucked up things. I know, more and more of my bullshit. Get the fuck over it, my blog, damnit :(. The chat is really weird thease days. I love those guys so much, but I hate them so much all at once. I do that alot. I wish I didn't change my mind all the time. And that I didn't have a headache all of the time. It really blows.
Me and my Dearest Erica went to Boone Friday night. We ate at the Golden Coral, and drove around. We rock so much. I love you Eric<3.
I'm sorry I don't write as much anymore. My head is a little too scattered to put something up into an entry thats so neat and tidy. I guess I'm just a little weird thease days. I miss hanging out with Mega for weeks apon weeks. I swear, I just miss alot of the old days. Getting older is like getting a blowjob by a girl who scrapes her teeth on it. It's bitter sweet. I've composed a list.

Things that SUCK BALLS about getting older:

No longer being able to play on the slide at McDonalds.
No candy at halloween.
You can't wear your hair in pigtails without looking handicapped.
Going out isn't as silly as it always was.
Eating alot makes people call you 1. Fat. 2. Ballemic.
Adults judge you NONSTOP.
Everyone expects somthing from you because your "Older".
Your too scared to be friends with who you want to.
Being yourself isn't acceptable anymore.
You can't get hyper without everyone getting annoyed with you.
School can make your life so much better, or suck.
You get fat entirely too easy.
Money becomes the prime thing in life.
Being on the phone is now a chore.
If you smoke, your cool.
Getting a job.
The government steals from you more and more.
One hint of someone calling you gay, and your labeled for life.
Have sex with one person and your now a "SLUT".

Thease don't apply to me. Because I don't believe in any of it. For you people who have been going to my blog for thease many years, you will understand that being judged is the last thing I want. I hate it. It happens everyday of my life. Nothing pisses me off more than how people snarl up their nose, look you up and down, and feel like their so much better than you. Fuck you. How about that?
Everyone is turning christian. Its so annoying. Its like Christianity has gone mainstreem. I don't care how cool it would make me look. I'm not christian. I'm sorry. And I miss Eric. I havn't got to see him for two days. I know, "Only two days? SHUTUP...GOD..."....you don't really understand then, because Eric and me hang out almost everyday. Two days feels like forever.
I've been listening to so much Showbread and Misfits its just disgusting. Obessive? Yes. Yes, alright?
Good news for me, and for the people I love (because I would be willing to drive them places). I get my licence next month. I'm also getting a new motor for my car. Hail me. Yeah. Lame, so much, I really am.
I've noticed somthing lately, that my mom is one of the biggest posers I've ever met in my life. She watches football now. She hates football, always has. She acts like she loves it around my stepdad. Also, she acts like she loves raceing and cars because my stepdad does. My mom dosn't know a brakepad from fuckin' toast. You know? Being so fake, there should be some sort of test before you get with someone to prove that they're not lieing about the things they like. I kind of do that to all boyfriends I've ever had. I question them about things they claim to like, and if they're lieing, and I catch them. Bye, mother fucker. There are too many fake people out there I could spend my time with.
I've felt like absolute crap lately. My head hurts, my stomach, my chest, I can't breathe. My body is falling appart. I quit smoking for heath reasons, and the people who are smokeing right now are healthier than I am. Thats not fair! I don't understand my body sometimes. More than anything: My head and my stomach. Its constant for those two to cause trouble.
I had a dream last night that I had two kids and I stabbed them both in the head with thease hook things. I just kept stabbing them, one more than the other because it had a deep voice and it was calling me names. Then I dreamed that a bunch of asians were chaseing me around this boat, and one was huge. I remember crying in a dark room. My dreams have no meaning in the real world, I swear. In my mind, they make some sort of sence why I dreamed it. Sometimes though, dreams really confuse me to death. I can still remember alot of weird dreams I've had. Some so scary. Some I'm being chased, and its some guy trying to cut me. 

I've discoverd that I'm just weird.  Weird things about me:

I'm actually a germaphobe.  I hate spit.
I have a thing about time.  I have to know what time it is alot.
When I look in someones eyes for a long time, you can tell if I care about them.
I find hair, eyes, and wrists sexy.
I make myself forget things.
When I brush my teeth, if I don't make that "AAHH" sound, I don't feel like their clean.
When I drive, I have to have one foot on the gas and one on the brake.
I can't play poker.
I can't play monopoly.
I'm always painting my fingernails.
I'm really paranoid about the internet and whos watching.
I can lay down and sleep at any point in the day.
I love new pencles and pens.
I write alot of strange things down.
I usually know every answer a teacher asks in class, I don't answer it unless no one else knows it, only so we can move on and get it over with.
I'm huge at putting things off.
I like silver and metal alot.
I dance like no ones watching.
I read.  ALOT.
I'm really weird with smells.  If something dosn't smell good, I won't touch it.
I hardly ever like someone again after I decide that I dislike them.
I've only cheated on someone once in my life.
When my pants push aginst my stomach or aginst my hip bones, it drives me nuts because I think its hurting me.
Blood really makes me uncomfortable.
Heights actually make me really shaky, even though I love them.
Eric can make me giggle doing some of the most silly things (EX. Making faces).
When I was younger, I was really REALLY weird about letting people see me naked.  No one had until I was 13.
I use to think people were watching me.

Yeah.  I'm pretty messed up.  Haha.
Mm, Sublime. I love his voice. It makes me moist. :)
My feet are cold. My head is cold. My nipples are hard. I hate the cold. Fuck it.
I actually want to go to school. Because I get to see Eric, and all of my friends. By the way, to everyone who I go to school with and who reads this. I'm sorry if I don't say hi in the halls or something. I'm weird like that. Its the same reason I don't IM people, because I feel like if people want to talk to me, they need to do it first, otherwise I keep my mouth shut. It dosn't mean I'm stuck up, it dosn't mean I'm snobby. It means that I just don't feel like bugging you if your not in the mood to talk to me. I say this because some people have called me stuckup for not saying hey. I not. TRUST me.
My P.E.T.A. stickers came. Animals are good. Like them. *thumbs up*.
Eric isn't picking up his cellphone, and I really want to talk to him. I feel bad sometimes, I feel like he thinks I don't want to talk to him at night. Its not like that. I always want to talk to him right before I go to sleep, so I wait until I go to bed. Whenever that might be. I don't know, I guess he has the right to be pissed. I don't go to sleep until late most nights. I'm just a fag like that.
I had to stay at my grandma's last night. Her phone was out, so I spent the entire night coloring pictures, writeing notes, watching TV, and trying to stay warm with the puney assed fire I had started. I remember I use to love going to my grandparents for weeks at a time. Don't get me wrong, I still do. But its just like, now. They don't take care of me, its the other way around. And that really makes me sad. I guess I'm paranoid that they're going to die on me, when I least expect it, and it will tear me to pieces. They're like parents to me and the more I think about it the more it makes me sad. Eric still isn't picking up his phone. *sigh* Might as well go to bed. Thanks for reading I guess. Outta.

-PeNuT